Tag Archives: breakup

Top Muslim Breakup Lines

Of the multitude of icky ‘life experiences’ to have, enduring a breakup is right up there along with getting stung by a jellyfish and having to put up with twenty floors of elevator music. It goes without saying that people break up for all sorts of reasons, so when I refer to the following reasons as ‘lines’, I don’t mean to imply that they’re not stated with conviction or that they aren’t real issues for people. In fact, many people who says these things will be sincere and have convinced themselves that their reasons are legitimate. But this is what we humans do: ascribe the highest, most noble motives to our actions when may be  far less flattering explanations for our behaviours. The following are just a few choice examples:

1.)  What they say: ‘I prayed Istikhara and had a bad feeling’.

What they mean: ‘I can’t/won’t tell you why I want out, so I’ll play the trump card of divine guidance to shut you up.’

Ah, Istikhara. Is there any better get-out-of-jail card? I think not. The reason this works so well is that it’s almost impossible to argue with. Even if the person it’s used on suspects that there’s more to it, they’re unlikely to try to challenge an alleged ‘sign’ from God, anticipating all kinds of lightning bolts and locust plagues will be unleashed should they do so.

2.) What they say: ‘It’s just not naseeb.’

What they mean: ‘I just can’t be bothered.’

This one is often wielded by those who have no fault with the person except that they’re just not feeling it. It’s often the case that when a random person is set up with another random person, the first meeting or three will be uninspiring. One party will want to pull out because they’re bored and can’t muster the energy to dig any deeper, but to make things less awkward they’ll cloak it in terms so vague you’d need binoculars to see it for what it really is.

3.) What they say: ‘My parents/your parents are making things too difficult.’

What they mean: ‘I can’t deal with conflict, so I’m just going to make my life easier by dumping you.’

I hesitate to include this one because I know that for many people, families on either side can do a great deal to disrupt the course of a relationship and not everyone can cope with the pressure. But for the person on the receiving end of this one, it can often sound like a bit of a cop-out. If it’s their parents who cause them to give up, they end up sounding like a twelve year old. If it’s your parents who ‘drive’ them away, they end up sounding like…well, a twelve and a half year old. Besides, if they had such unwavering respect for their parents, why were they okay with even talking to you if they knew their parents would disapprove? (Answer: because it didn’t involve any conflict.)

4.) What they say: ‘I’m just not ready for marriage.’

What they mean: ‘I’m too preoccupied with myself and you’re getting in the way.’

OR

‘I’m keen to see what else is out there.’

This is another one which is just pointless to try and challenge, despite it having more holes than the plot of a D-grade horror movie. If you state the obvious and ask why they started talking to you in the first place if they weren’t ready, the response will be something like ‘well, I thought I was ready, but maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.’ If you ask when they’ll be ready, they’ll say they don’t know, but then you’ll see them in six months and they’ll be married to someone else.

5.) What they say: ‘I’m actually a unicorn.’

What they mean: ‘I’m actually a unicorn.’

Quick, don’t let them get away! Unicorns are rare and precious and should be kept for life.

Unicorn Baby

Have you used one of these? Have you had someone use one on you? Do you think they’re valid reasons or are they weak excuses?